2002 Invitation

August 12, 2002
Mr. Jeff Butler,
Jeff Butler Anti-Classic Invitational

Dear Mr. Butler

On behalf of the Greater Toronto Parks and Recreation Department and in particular the staff of Dentonia Park Golf Course (‘the Grand Old Dame of The Danforth’) I’d like to take this opportunity to communicate our delight and honour in being named, once again, the host course for your Jeff Butler Anti Classic Invitational.

We understand that the tournament, as always, will be held the third Wednesday in September (this year the 18th) and play will commence at 1:00 PM EST. I know that many competitors like to arrive at 12 Noon and partake of our facilities for a sumptuous brunch and/or beverage.

Lucy in the snack bar has already ordered the Kraft cheese slices, Prince O’ The Sea tuna and Wonderbread (enriched with 12 vitamins and minerals — also no cholesterol!) in anticipation of a record turnout. We are now proud to offer a full complement of domestic beers (Labatt Blue, Molson Canadian) as well as comestibles imported from our friends to the south (Budweiser, Coors Lite) and a Pale Ale which apparently has been shipped in from far off India.

Buzz (on loan from the Bermondsey Transfer Station and whom you may recall operated the beer cart stationed between the 8th green and 10th tee last year) has now completed his Operation Of Civic Beverage Cart Authority Certificate (East Greater Toronto) and is fully versed in the operation of said vehicle, including the concept that the cart has wheels and motor to allow it be moved to where competitors are situated rather than vice versa.

I am pleased to inform you that, due to the diligence and superhuman efforts of CUPE 303, fully 73% of the refuse from the Course’s use as a Temporary Transfer Station during the Department’s ‘Troubles of 02’  has been removed from the site and by tournament time we should have complied with the city’s mandate of 77% perfect removal efficiency. We are also sure that the Pine -O-Fresh car deodorizers suspended from branches amongst the flora of the course will be fully operational by then, pending arrival of usage instructions.

These improvements are only ancillary to the main attraction of Dentonia which is the course itself.

Our Millennium Beautification Project is now well underway and I’m sure competitors will be moved to remark on the luxurious and colourful stands of plantain, dandelion and purple loosestrife dotted around the course.

The tee blocks of 4, 7 and 11 have been entirely re-matted with Ber-Mud-A-Turf© and rubber tees have been replaced with a durable and attractive compound pioneered in the use of Extruded Poly-Oxygenated Cylinders (EPOCs), which you may know as recreational swimming ‘noodles’. I also look forward to competitors’ frank evaluation of the Tee-a-Crete© we are experimenting with on the 14th tee block.

After much debate and much to the chagrin of the traditionalists, in response to the greater distance afforded by new club and ball technology we have had no alternative but to lengthen the number 8 hole ‘All Carry’ from 95 to 97 yards. However, I am please to say that despite these extensive course renovations, we have been able to maintain our greens fees at $20.00 Canadian ($16.00 for players who qualify as Seniors).

At this juncture, I regret to inform you that this year’s confluence of El Niño, El Niña, Global Warming and the rapidly approaching Ice Age has contributed to winter/spring/summer kill on selected greens, notably the ‘valley’ greens (11-15 excluding 13), the ‘plateau’ greens (1-6 inclusive and 16-18 inclusive) as well as those in the ‘mid-temperate’ zone (7 through 10 and 13). However, as your function takes place on September 18th at the beginning of our fall festival of golf, I can assure you that conditions for the tournament will live up to the standards you have come to expect.

Regarding green conditions, I’m sure you can well imagine the amount of golfer traffic a course of this reputation endures. To maintain optimal green conditions I must ask that competitors not wear hard metal spikes, which cause undue aeration and possible rainfall penetration that can sometimes irrigate the very roots of the grass. Soft spikes, rubber soled sneakers or sandals only, please. (If sandals are worn, our dress code stipulates no socks).

We are also requesting that all competitors be diligent in repairing ball marks (I am hopeful that by the time of the tournament we will have finalized negotiations with Canadian Tire for complimentary Hand-E-Clawz© for green repair as well as Min-E-Mal-Ettes© for driving in tees on 10, 12 and 15.).

On a more positive note, I am proud to announce that many of our 6 bunkers have been refreshed with sand from Hanlan’s Point on the famed Toronto Islands, a mere 30 miles across Lake Ontario from Youngstown Ohio and that State’s justly renowned particulates.

As for pin placement, we at Dentonia follow the lead of the PGA in this regard and offer four pin placements of escalating difficulty. Due to the work interruption of the past summer, competitors will be pleased to hear that pins will be cut in their August positions rather than the more challenging September locations. We’re expecting a rash of previously unseen low scores.

Please forgive this bald-faced plug for the Pro Shop. but while I know that many of the competitors in the JBACI chose to bring their own clubs, we have a full selection of Johnny Revoltas, Club Pro Pee Wees and Roberto De Vincenzos available for rent, and which can be assembled in any combination to comply with your tournament’s three club (including putter) maximum.

We also have experienced Lady Titleists, Tamblyn and Tee-Mee wound balls recovered from both Dentonia Creek and the platform of the Crescent Town subway station.

One final note: Shirts must have sleeves.

See you on the 18th!

Joe Halstead, Commissioner,

Greater Toronto Parks and Recreation

To participate in the 6th Annual Jeff Butler Anti Classic Invitational, please tear on the dotted line and send to:

Jeff Butler
Jeff Butler Anti-Classic Invitational
61 Castle Frank Crescent
Toronto, ON M4W 3A2
e-mail: jeffbutler@jeffbutler.net,
phone: (416) 561-6536 or fax: (416) 921-6028